“So many girls are marred by their scars,” explained Miss Sothern. “There are all kinds of appendicitis incisions. They come square, long, short, jagged, triangular and blotchy. I have discussed all possible scars with my physician and I have chosen what I believe to be the most artistic, by far. It will be in the shape of a cresent. I think it will look kind of cute. 

“It’s costing me so much I’m going to keep it just for myself. I will contemplate its artistry in private. I had saved my money for a sable coat, but I decided I’d better get a scar after my physician advised an immediate operation. After deciding on the shape, I had to decide where to get it. 

“I went shopping for a room in all the hospitals in town… That’s because I am a person who is susceptible to her surroundings. If the room is gloomy, I am too. So I chose a room with southern exposure. I also arranged to take along my own table lamps and my own pictures. I am going to the hospital Sunday and the first thing I intend to do is hang some bright water colors on the wall. Then there is the little matter of clothes. The hospital people said they would put me in a kind of white wrapper for the operation. Now I don’t like that idea. A girl looks her worst in a white wrapper. And even though I’ll be unconscious, I still don’t like it.”

Miss Sothern said she thought the “germs” connection was considerable nonsense, and that she was having two dozen silk, satin, crepe and lace nightgowns, in shades of blue, pink, peach and black, laundered under the most sanitary conditions.

As Gracie Allen she’s a nitwit of the airways, a chirruping, dithering damself of many words and absolutely no sense.  But as Mrs. George Burns, Gracie is an intelligent, charming and witty housewife, mistress of a lovely home and the devoted foster mother of two children.

For more than twenty years, George and Gracie lived out of trunks, for they were troupers, ever on the go.  But several years ago they settled down to radio and movie work, built a twelve-room house in California and adopted Sandra Jean and Ronnie.

Their new life has been rich and happy.  Gracie’s talents easily swung into domestic channels.  Like every other homemaker, concerned with the coming generation, Gracie takes the war effort seriously.  She and George have toured many Army camps as far from home as the East Coast.  They are now making shorter trips to boost the war-bond drive.  The American Women’s Voluntary Services recently dedicated the “Gracie Allen Canteen” for servicemen.  Gracie privately backs this canteen and serves as a hostess.

Gracie is a serious student of first aid, and spends several nights a week attending Red Cross classes.  She practises on the family—usually with better results than those shown in the picture below.  Yes, Gracie Allen is doing her part.

GEORGE AND GRACIE, heard on CBS Tuesday nights, are among radio’s most famous and successful zanies.  The couple are sensible married folk off the air, proud of home and kids.

-Movie Radio Guide
October 24, 1942 edition

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April 18, 1930

“2 Girls, 2 Dates and Andy; Woe is He, and Why Not?” 

Tonight all will be known.  Millions of radio fans are waiting anxiously to learn which date Andy kept last night.  Did he go to see Susie, or did he go to see Madame Queen?

When the episode ended last night, the great question had not yet been decided.  Amos and Brother Brown, as you remember, spent their first 10 minutes trying to decide how the impasse could be gotten around.  They tried forward impasses and even lateral ones, but at the finish they had to throw a coin.

It was Andy’s idea.  “Heads it’s Madame Queen,” he says, taking that last dime out of his pocket, “an’ tails it’s Susie.”

“Awa, awa, it’s tails,” cries Amos, “now you gotta see Susie.”

Andy looks at the coin on the floor for a minute.  His expression is thoughtful.  You can almost hear him scratch his head.

“Amos,” he finally says, “ah guess we better make it two out of three.”

All joking aside, however, this woman business is gettin’ serious.  Last night, for instance, it almost caused a break between the Damon and Pythias of radio.  Andy, you know, proposed that he’d go around to Susie’s for supper, then Amos would show up and take Susie to the dance while Andy went calling on Madame Queen.

The only thing wrong with that idea was Amos.  Amos didn’t think so much of it.  In fact, he wouldn’t have nothing to do with it.  Andy got pretty hot over that.  Just wait till Ruby Taylor comes to town and Amos has a date on that night.  He won’t get any help from Andy.

But Amos, he says he don’t get his dates mixed that way.  But we all make mistakes and we’ll see what happens when Ruby finally arrives.

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April 17, 1930

“It’s a Double Play, the Madame to Susie, and Whoever Wins, Andy Will Be Out”

Tonight’s the night, and Andy’s got to either sink or swim.

His women trouble has been gittin’ worser and worser every day and now he’s really in for it.

Last night the hot water he is in got even hotter.  It all came about when Susie called him up and invited him for supper.  Sho’, he’d come; he’d even take her to a dance afterwards.

But it also came to light last night that that “traveling salesman” is going to leave town today.  And you know what that means.  That means, most likely, Madame Queen will be calling Andy up some time today and asking him to come around and see her tonight.

Who’s it going to be—the Madame or Susie?

Another thing about last night’s episode.  Andy’s back at his old trick of brow-beating Amos.  Now he wants to make the ‘pore little fellow sign a contract.  One of those things with “party of the first part party of the second part” in it.

And you can bet your bottom dollar Andy’s going to be the party of  the first part.

Anyhow, Amos don’ wanna be under contract.  He don’t like “that under business.”  As he told Andy last night, he was under a bond one time and hereafter he’s going to be “on top” of any “contacts” he signs.

(Now, folks, get all ready for 7 o’clock tonight.  There’s going to be the devil to pay if Andy don’t watch his contacts, too.)

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April 16, 1930

“That Laugh—That Long Juicy Laugh—Was Amos’—He Was Laughing at Andy”

Things sure have changed with Amos ‘n’ Andy.

Shortly after 7 o’clock last night, millions heard a laugh come over the radio.  It was a long laugh, a fat juicy laugh.  It was, in fact, a horse laugh full of crescendos and embrodered with chuckles.

And folks, that laugh was not Andy’s.  It was Amos making that unseemly sound.

Poor little downtrodden Amos enjoying for the first time, the last laugh.  This may mark a new era in the relations of the Fresh Air Taxi partners for it is believed to be the first time Amos has ever had the laugh on Andy.

Amos burst out almost immediately last night when Andy started squawking about his telephone conversation with Madame Queen the night before.  You remember how Amos, answering the phone, turned it over to Andy, and Andy, thinking Susie was on the other end, got in hot water with the Queen.

Well, he isn’t getting any sympathy from Amos.

Andy also is on the verge of getting in dutch with Susie and her mammy.  He’s got to come through with a raincoat he promised the latter and it’s about due to arrive C. O. D.  He counts his money and he’s only got $1.10 after adding and “minusing.”  He thinks the postman can put him in jail and tells Amos so.

Amos’ condolence is another horse laugh.

But, despite all these troubles, you can’t break Andy’s big front.  Right at the most desperate moment last night, while Andy was looking dismayed at his dollar and dime, Susie calls up.   She wants to know what her big boy’s been doin’.

With that offhand, deprecating pomposity of his, Andy says:

“Oh, I’se just been sittin’ around here countin’ up my revestments.”

“Sho, sho,” chimes in Amos.

(Andy is going to need more than pomposity if that queen woman shows up tonight.)

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Tuesday, April 15, 1930

What is Ol’ Andy Going to Tell Madame Queen?

If 20,000,000 radio fans hear a peculiar, hollow-sounding laugh tonight when they turn on the dial at 7 sharp, it’s just about 20,000,000 to 1 that it’ll be Andrew Brown, the well-known taxi magnate, trying to laugh off that sweligant siren of Harlem, Madame Queen.

And if you know anything about Madame Queen, you know laughing her off is some job; a job for a hyena, as Amos might say. The truth is, as nearly everybody who listened in last night is aware, Andy is in a jam.

Course it’s all Amos’ fault. It always is. But if Andy is going to have woman trouble, he can’t expect Amos to be keeping his women apart for him. Last night, for instance, Amos ‘n’  Andy were talking over Andrew’s heart failures in the office of their taxi company.

Seems Madame Queen been treating Andy pretty shabbily of late, what with paying attention to that “traveling man” of hers and not giving Andrew a date. So, it turns out, Andy’s going around to see Susie. No use trying to fool himself, he’s still in love with that Queen woman, but just the same he’s going around to see Susie soon as she phones and lets him know whether her Mammy is going t’ be t’ home.

Well, you can guess what happened. They sits around waitin’ for that call to come in and it finally comes. Amos, he’r right by the phone, so he answers “Sho, sho, Andy’s right here; yes, indeedy, jus’ hol’ de line,” he gushes.

Up steps Andy to the receiver nonchalantly. He clears his throat. He pauses, and you can almost hear him wink at Amos, as he begins:

Good evenin’, Miss Susie; I’se relighted to hear from you!”

A sudden hush. Then a funny rasping sound like the noise of a telephone being torn out of the wall. At last you hear the frightened, squeaky voice of poor little Amos:

“Dat war’nt Susie, Andy; dat was Madame Queen.”

Tonight Andy’s got to laugh it off–if he can.

August 12, 1940
Pittsburgh Press

Scarlett in Demand for Radio

But There’s a Big Catch in Producer’s Plan

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By Si Steinhauser

That Scarlett O’Hara quest is here again.  And so is a hunt for a sponsor willing to part with enough dough to pay for a radio serialized form of “Gone With the Wind.”  First must come the sponsor, then radio’s “Scarlett.”

The man behind the scene is Ed Wolf, discoverer of Mary Small, creator of Hilltop House, the O’Neills and other radio successes.  His is the same Ed Wolf who as manager of the Vincent Lopez orchestra made it the first in the land and kept it there for many a year.

Ed has the inside on broadcast rights for the famous movie which smashed boxoffice records from coast-to-coast and promises to do the same trick when it returns in 1941 at popular prices.

All he needs is a sponsor.  Finding a suitable Scarlett for radio would be no trick.  We could name one right off, little Janice Gilbert, juvenile star of a half dozen network shows, and one of radio’s leading cry babies.  Her dad is Ed Wolf.  His brother is the famous song composer, Wolf Gilbert.  And there you have all of the names.

Ann Elstner, who became famous as “Cracker Gaddis” of Moonshine and Honeysuckle would be another candidate for the cast.

Now if Ed finds a sponsor for Margaret Mitchell’s novel he’ll get radio by the cars with his hunt for Scarlett.

August 11th in Radio History - Free MP3 Files 

August 11, 1932
Pittsburgh Press

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President Hoover is going to have things pretty much his own way on the ether waves at 10 o’clock tonight.  The city’s three chain stations, KDKA, WCAE and WJAS will carry the formal notification speech and Mr. Hoover’s acceptance of the Republican presidential nomination.  KDKA will be doing a triple job; broadcasting on the regular frequency, short waving on 6140 and 11.870 kilocycles.  If you prefer music—KQV and WWSW.

Pittsburgh, at least, must have reached that prosperity corner—here’s nothing but an an announcement that Eddie Peyton, the operator of that hot night spot not far from downtown is going on the air every night over WJAS at 11:30.  Anyway, Jimmy Murray, the press agent, says it’s so.  There was some smoke but no fire about putting Russ Columbo on the air when he hits town tomorrow night.  But somehow there was a slip:  the story seems to be that an NBC artist can’t do his stuff over a station on the rival Columbia chain.

But going back to that political business again; we wonder if the Republicans are paying for that time tonight.  Probably night.  The chains got together the other day and agreed that from now until the fall elections—”pay as you go” on political speeches.  But this event tonight is something the stations fight to get.  The United Press comes through with the story that the companies anticipate a million dollars worth of business this election but so far—nothing doing.  Maybe that approximately $16,000 an hour for a nation’s hook-up has something to do with it, huh?

Maybe, like Gracie Allen, we “weren’t in the mood for it” last night, but it seemed as though the clever comedy team had lost some of its usual punch.  Or maybe we’re wrong.  The way they took the pronunciation of the names Colonel Stoopnagle and Bud was rather amusing, though.

In the day’s post come a couple of hints from “A Radio Fan.”  He—or she—says “the artists at WWSW who put on the ‘Behind the Kitchen Door’ spoil an otherwise exceptionally good and original program by the lady taking the part of a maid.  It is distorted, as no maid would ever dare to talk back to an employer as she does—or would any employer permit it.”  That sounds reasonable.  The Radio Fan continues “The Goldman Band on KDKA gives a program which, in my humble opinion, cannot be equalled.  But why give us a long list of classical compositions and then render at the very most but four?”  And now, dear Radio Fan, about your complaints about the Goldberg and Amos ‘n’ Andy advertising—our friend and regular conductor of this column, Si Steinhauser, who is far, far away from the job on vacation, has often and very pointedly expressed his opinion of all long-winded advertising talks.

Somehow or other, we get a funny kick out of the way some of these orchestras jazz up these sentimental tunes—you know, shrieking clarinets and heavy brass effects on a tune similar to “Somebody Stole My Gal” like Johnny Johnston’s orchestra last night on WWSW.  But it’s all right with us.

Listenin’ in on the chatter at KDKA yesterday:  Bill Rose, continuity writer and guardian angel of many a struggling entertainer, now wears the title of “Production Man.”  Congrats, Bill.

A peep into the future—via the press agents—shows that Dr. Sigmund Spaeth, the famous “Tune Detective,” will begin a new series of programs tonight under the monicker of “The Song Sleuth.”  KDKA at 8:15.

WWSW promises a new program, an hour of dance music from Webster Hall every Sunday afternoon from 5 to 6—played by Bill Cowden and his orchestra.  Remember?  They furnished the music for many of the flights of the Mythical Dirigible, piloted by Joe Sartory and Jerry Wyman.

It’s often asked:  “What do radio stars do with their money?”  P. A. (press agent) rises to the occasion again—this time to inform the world that the Boswell Sisters, Columbia stars, put every penny they earn, except $100 a week each, into a trust fund which they cannot touch for at least 10 years.  So that’s that.

Pity the poor reporters—what a ride they were taken for with Jack Benny last night.  One came puffing into the program to get some information—he was looking for some dope on that program.  Jack said he must mean Paul Small.  The program—good as usual.

If you were listening for Senator L. J. Dickinson last night and didn’t hear him, blame it on the chain; the program was cancelled at the last minute.

WWSW’s scoop last night, the Leonard-Walker fight broadcast was all wet—or almost so.  Threatening weather forced a postponement until tonight. — C. B. K.

August 10th in Radio History  (list and links)

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August 10, 1932
Pittsburgh Press

If you happened to be listenin’ in yesterday morning to Duke and Gene with Sammy Fuller on KDKA, you may have noticed some extra cornet stuff on one of the numbers.  That’s Gene’s job usually, but he was busy singing, so Glenn Riggs, the announcer, did a bit.  Versatility!

Bob Waddell, head football coach at Carnegie Tech, and Elmer Layden, athletic director and football coach at Duquesne, will tell all about the new football rules; the greatest players they ever coached; a work about the late Knute Rockne, and about some of their plans for the season on The Press – KDKA Cracker-Barrel sports broadcast tonight at 10:45.  They will be interviewed by Lester Biederman of The Press sports staff.  Bill Farren, of course, is the master of ceremonies.

Telephone call:  “How much does Mildred Bailey weigh; a hundred pounds?”  It’s anybody’s guess but ours would be 175.

The press agents hurry in with news about accordionists:  Tony Lombardo of KQV Jack and Tony fame, started a solo program, “Lombardo and his Accordion,” at 12:45 today.  It’ll be on every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at the same time.  He has a squeeze-box rival in Quento Vitale who is scheduled to do a 15-minute program on WWSW tonight at 9:45 p. m.

Two Pittsburgh stations, WJAS and WCAE, will carry President Hoover’s address as he formally accepts the Republican nomination for the presidency tomorrow night; WCAE at 10 and WJAS at 10:15.

Here’s some dope for the shufflers—or dancers, if you prefer.  Cab Calloway will be in town tomorrow and will broadcast from the Willows at 7:45 and 11 tomorrow night over WWSW.  Vincent Lopez, so they tell us, will be on WWSW for a couple of programs later this month.  And Ben Bernie . . . but more of that later.  Jimmy Zummo, back from a seashore vacation, takes his band to KQV at 7:30 . . . Russ Columbo will be at Eddie Payton’s Friday night but will not broadcast.

Seems to be an epidemic—Jack Pettis, leader of the band at the William Penn and heard over KDKA regularly, no sooner had returned to his band after recovering from an attack of appendicitis than one of his piano players, Wayne Euchner, was stricken.  Euchner was operated on yesterday morning; last night he was reported resting comfortably.  Incidentally, Wayne is the composer of that nameless, as yet, theme song used to Jack Pettis.

There were some nice voices on the air last night—Mildred Follart, a pupil of Richard Knotts, a KQV veteran, sang several pleasing numbers early in the evening.  Samuel Di Primio came along a bit later on KDKA with plenty of power; and still later, on the same station, we heard a snatch of one and a whole tune sung by Jack Fulton, featured tenor soloist with Paul Whiteman, who last night started a new series of solo programs.  There’s only one word to describe his voice—soothing.

Frank Crumit put a new twist on an old gag. . . .  Somebody was telling about the old maid who declared that she wouldn’t marry the smartest, the best looking, the richest man in the world.  Frank said that she’d probably change her mind—his wife did.

Ed ‘Perfect Fool’ Wynn was there and then some on WCAE last night.  He rolled ‘em in the aisles as usual—for instance:  He wants to see the secretary of agriculture, one of his geraniums isn’t doing so well. . . .  The best way to keep cream from souring?  Easy, leave it inside the cow.  His uncle, he said, has a 12-horsepower car.  Graham McNamee wouldn’t believe it.  “How do you know?”  “I lifted the hood myself and counted 12 plugs.”  Play it Don.  Graham proved that even the best of them boot ‘em; shouting through his commercial plug he loudly proclaimed it “gasoloon.”  And did Ed have fun?

Somebody said, it seems to run in our mind, that Arthur Tracy, the Street Singer, who, incidentally, is writing the guest column today, had been forced off the air to rest his voice.  Maybe so, but he satisfied as he made his debut with that satisfying program. — C. B. K.